I hate small talk. I really hate talking just to talk. Of course, if you were to say something to me as we’re waiting in line at the bank, like “Ah, they’re sure slow today!” I’ll give you a “Yes, they are.” but chances are you won’t get more than that. Once I was reading xkcd and a fairly cute guy asked what I was reading. “A comic,” I flatly replied. (What? He asked.)
The other day I was talking with someone via Facebook chat, and this normally talkative person…wasn’t. I was searching my brain for things to say, and as I searched and got more uncomfortable with his silence, I came to a conclusion.
I read a great quote, I believe from Plato: “Wise men talk when they have something to say; fools talk when they have to say something.” I guess if I had to pin down the one thing I believe in, that’d be it. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember: if I have nothing to say, I won’t say anything. I’ve lost track of times people have commented on my silence or just flat out told me to say anything. Okay. So I do and I’m met with a bunch of questioning looks. And I clam up again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Maybe it’s because of my introversion, but I very, very rarely start conversations with people for no reason (unless I know the person very well). The strange part? I teach and I also love acting; I have no qualms getting up in front of a group and, if need be, falling on my ass to make a point. But take me off the stage and out of the classroom, put me in a party, and watch me clam up and spend my time eating hors d’oeuvres at the buffet table. You’ll have to approach me first to make me talk (even if it’s to tell me to lay off the cheese cubes).
Ever worse is when I manage to turn the conversation back to myself. It makes me sound conceited, which I’m not (don’t let the blog fool you). I’d much rather split the difference (you talk about yourself, I talk about me) than to hear myself go on about how I’m thinking of getting my Ph.D. in the field of Sub-Atomic Bullshit at the University of East Jebus Nowhere (south of Kalamazoo, MI). So I clam up and wait for you to say something or find an excuse to end the conversation.
Oh! Another thing: If I see someone I know in public, unless it’s someone I know very well, I pretend I don’t see them and walk past. Again, it has to do with my aversion to small talk, not that I dislike that person. Obviously I will stop and say hello if they say something – I’m not a complete bitch. But the truth is, as cliched as it is, it’s not them…it’s absolutely me. Sometimes I will literally go out of my way and hide from this person so they won’t see me. Bizarre, I know.
My therapist said I should probably work on this, and I’m inclined to agree with her. But when I hear some of the people I look up to are the exact same way I am, I don’t care so much. I sometimes wish I could meet all those famous people who are successful in light of their shyness, but I can’t imagine that party. The crickets would die of exhaustion.
Maybe I do have social anxiety, and if you see me in public I apologize for my asinine behavior in advance – it’s in writing, it’s on the web, so you can’t hold it against me. I don’t mean to offend or concern, really! I really am a funny person (verified in a few states and a number of small protectorates) and am nice once you get to know me. Just don’t expect it to happen on day one.
